Life’s too short to hold a grudge

Life’s too short to hold a grudge.
That’s what my mother always told me.
I never really understood what she meant, actually. But now I do.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself!
I’m Abby. I’m 33 and I live in a nice, quite town in The Netherlands called Leiden.

It all started when I was 16. My family just moved here from Germany.
I was the new girl in high school, and the only foreign girl there.
As you can imagine, I was pretty lonely, and during the breaks I used to stay in class and read books.
There was this guy, he was really tall and gentle, his name was Hans.
He studied in my class, it was the first day of high school when we first met.
I remember how he was – too shy to speak, at first I thought he was a weirdo that nobody wants to talk to.
But it changed pretty fast.

It was one of the toughest times in my life – my father decided to move to America because apparently
he got the job of his life, and my mother had to work all day in order to support me and my younger sister, Elsa.
I had no-one in my life. I was crying all day long, and all I thought about was how I want to go back to Germany.
So in a time of crisis I decided to go out to the streets, just run and cry my heart out. I ran until I felt exhausted.
It made me forget about everything for a few hours, so I continued doing it the next days.

One time, when I ran and cried, Hans saw me. He was completely different, definitely not weird.
He made me feel amazing, he was very comforting and nice.
You know what it’s like, first love and everything. I finally felt good after a very long time, and I was sure I’m in love and we’re going to get married soon.

We were together for 3 years until he said it. “I met someone. It’s a guy that plays soccer with me”
Wow, did that hurt. I hated this guy so much, fuck, how could he? He’s GAY??? Did I mean nothing for him?
I always had a bad feeling about him, but that proved it.
So I hated him, and I hated him a little more, and even more. I couldn’t forgive him.
“Life’s too short to hold a grudge”, fuck that, I said. Hans is a scumbag.

It took me two years to realize we were never meant to be together. I suddenly saw him differently.
Wow, for three years he was trying to be my life partner when he’s actually not even attracted to girls.
So I met him, it wasn’t the best meeting, but we were completely over it. He even invited me to the marriage party him and his future husband are holding.

I went there, alone, and apparently it was a good decision.
This is where I met Bram – My second boyfriend, my first real love, and my husband for the last 10 years.

“Life’s too short to hold a grudge”, I finally understood what it meant.