Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn…
–from Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats
2
Sarah urgeth Abraham to make whoopee and an heir with her Egyptian maidservant Hagar
4
The angel instructeth Hagar to hie home and have the little Hebrew
6
Abraham kicketh out third wife Keturah and her brats
8
Rebecca bewaileth and red Esau turneth green as Jacob getteth on famously with the Canaanite maidens
10
Esau bringeth home his new Canaanite brides, much to his parents’ dismay
12
Esau addeth an Ishmaelitish wife for good measure
14
Jacob aka Israel heareth his teenage son Reuben getting it on with his concubine Bilhah
16
The story of Tamar wife of Er: Onan spilleth his seed
18
Tamar taketh to the highway
20
Tamar embarasseth thrice-father-in-law Judah
22
Eunuch Potiphar’s frustrated cougar wife coveteth young Joseph’s ass
24
Pharaoh’s daughter findeth a baby in an ark floating among the reeds
26
Moses the Egytptian saves the Midianite shepherdesses
28
The girls bring Moses home to Papa Jethro
30
Pinhas zappeth the Hebrew man and the Midianite priestess
32
What to do when you bring home a beautiful captive
34
Rahab hideth the Hebrew spies from the Jericho police
36
Rahab of Jericho, the whore heroine
38
Samson’s unnamed wife cajoleth the mighty man
40
Delilah calleth in the barber
42
Delilah the Philistine, the archetypal femme fatale
44
Orpa taketh her leave of Naomi but Ruth cleaveth unto her mother-in-law
46
Boaz admireth Ruth’s anatomy, though she beeth an alien
48
Ruth creeps to the threshing-floor and uncovereth Boaz’s… legs
50
Ruth, the converted alien whose descendant was David
52
A disguised Saul visiteth the Seeress of Endor who summoneth Samuel from the dead
54
David waxeth cold in his old age. His aides bring him hot babe Abishag, but glow as she might he gat no heat
56
David and his bed warmer
58
The beautiful and clever Queen of Sheba visiteth Solomon and tests his wisdom
60
Solomon delighteth in his bevy of exotic beauties
62
Jezebel eggeth on her husband Ahab
64
Jezebel greeteth Jehu from the balcony
66
Jezebel painteth her face
68
The Big Momma of Shunem feedeth Elisha
70
Elisha promiseth the Big Momma of Shunem that she will embrace a man-child
72
Yael eraseth the head of General Sisera in his sleep
74
Vashti the feminist heroine (there’s an old Israeli children’s play rhyme about ‘Vashti the Baldie’, I have no idea why)
76
Ahasueras sends a message to Vashti, commanding her to come and dance for his guests
78
Hadassah aka Esther winneth the first ever beauty contest
80
I hope you enjoyed the book– any questions, comments or job opportunities, write to avi@avikatz.net and check out http://www.avikatz.net
82
Published: Aug 17, 2016
Latest Revision: Aug 20, 2016
Ourboox Unique Identifier: OB-183255
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