
Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn…
–from Ode to a Nightingale by John Keats
2

Sarah urgeth Abraham to make whoopee and an heir with her Egyptian maidservant Hagar
4

The angel instructeth Hagar to hie home and have the little Hebrew
6

Abraham kicketh out third wife Keturah and her brats
8

Rebecca bewaileth and red Esau turneth green as Jacob getteth on famously with the Canaanite maidens
10

Esau bringeth home his new Canaanite brides, much to his parents’ dismay
12

Esau addeth an Ishmaelitish wife for good measure
14

Jacob aka Israel heareth his teenage son Reuben getting it on with his concubine Bilhah
16

The story of Tamar wife of Er: Onan spilleth his seed
18

Tamar taketh to the highway
20

Tamar embarasseth thrice-father-in-law Judah
22

Eunuch Potiphar’s frustrated cougar wife coveteth young Joseph’s ass
24

Pharaoh’s daughter findeth a baby in an ark floating among the reeds
26

Moses the Egytptian saves the Midianite shepherdesses
28

The girls bring Moses home to Papa Jethro
30

Pinhas zappeth the Hebrew man and the Midianite priestess
32

What to do when you bring home a beautiful captive
34

Rahab hideth the Hebrew spies from the Jericho police
36

Rahab of Jericho, the whore heroine
38

Samson’s unnamed wife cajoleth the mighty man
40

Delilah calleth in the barber
42

Delilah the Philistine, the archetypal femme fatale
44

Orpa taketh her leave of Naomi but Ruth cleaveth unto her mother-in-law
46

Boaz admireth Ruth’s anatomy, though she beeth an alien
48

Ruth creeps to the threshing-floor and uncovereth Boaz’s… legs
50

Ruth, the converted alien whose descendant was David
52

A disguised Saul visiteth the Seeress of Endor who summoneth Samuel from the dead
54

David waxeth cold in his old age. His aides bring him hot babe Abishag, but glow as she might he gat no heat
56

David and his bed warmer
58

The beautiful and clever Queen of Sheba visiteth Solomon and tests his wisdom
60

Solomon delighteth in his bevy of exotic beauties
62

Jezebel eggeth on her husband Ahab
64

Jezebel greeteth Jehu from the balcony
66

Jezebel painteth her face
68

The Big Momma of Shunem feedeth Elisha
70

Elisha promiseth the Big Momma of Shunem that she will embrace a man-child
72

Yael eraseth the head of General Sisera in his sleep
74

Vashti the feminist heroine (there’s an old Israeli children’s play rhyme about ‘Vashti the Baldie’, I have no idea why)
76

Ahasueras sends a message to Vashti, commanding her to come and dance for his guests
78

Hadassah aka Esther winneth the first ever beauty contest
80

I hope you enjoyed the book– any questions, comments or job opportunities, write to avi@avikatz.net and check out http://www.avikatz.net
82
Published: Aug 17, 2016
Latest Revision: Aug 20, 2016
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