overview: The Guardian changed the world, half good half evil, everyone gets a chance, those who are bad go to the evil side, the evil side gives chances, those who are super evil go deeper, those who are less go closer to the ground.

Ash Everbleed is in the dark side due to foolish decisions when she was young.

 Annabell Grace from the good side. been stealing for years, deserves to go to the bad side.

they meet in one of the meetings between good & evil, and try to get Ash to the good side. Ash discovers the fact Annabell steals, tries to use it to switch places with her and she ends up in the good side, while Annabell ends up in the bad side. she tries to enjoy life, but feels guilty about Annabell.

meanwhile Annabell is learning to enjoy life on the dark side, where she is sent to the kleptomaniac part, the Diamond Tunnels.

Ash goes to rescue Annabell, but after long days she finds out that Annabell is living good and doesn’t need her nor care for her any longer.

Ash excepts it, and goes back to build her life in the good lands. Over the years, they start sending letters to each other and rebuilding the bond. Ash changes her name to Liana and started being happy in the good lands. Annabell changed her name to Cinder Vex, and met other kleptomaniacs. She gets treatment and is slowly getting out of it. she is being kept in the nice dark lands and it isn’t so horrible.

than a war begins, the most dangerous criminals are escaped and havoc and chaos reign. Cinder is spying for Liana and the good lands and together they stop the war, trapping the criminals and saving the kidnapped. after the war, they are both acknowledged as heroes and Cinder gets a chance to go back to the good lands. Cinder declines and instead asks for regular trains and buses from the good lands to the dark lands, not the dangerous ones just the little ones.

Introduction

The year 2200, April 21

The world was almost dead, because of the humans. Everyone had to wear oxygen masks, because the air was too dirty from pollution to breath regularly. More flora and fauna became extinct each day. Radiation was killing thousands, and parts of the world were scorching desserts or blistering colds. It was an unnatural disaster.

Then, the Guardian came. With her, she brought new ideas. That we could live in harmony with the rest of the ecosystem, without destroying it. Maybe even use technology to help rebuild it. But people were scared of the new ideas, and waved her away. Tried to discourage her. But the Guardian kept on talking, trying to make people listen. Slowly, her words started seeping into people’s minds. They were discussed and thought about in important meetings and international committees.

It’s been 50 years since the Guardian has changed the world. The world hasn’t regretted the decision to live under the Guardian’s rule. Nobody knew what the Guardian was before, nor her age, origin or real name, but they trusted her with their life, which is more than any previous ruler can say.

The guardian eliminated money, ranks, and unfair rules. She tried to set equality between men and women, dark skinned and white skinned, children and adults. She tried to minimize plastic, eating meat, cruelty to animals, pollution, et cetera.

The Guardian tried to fix the world, right all the wrongs, but she saw that no matter what, there will be treacherous, evil, backstabbing people, even if you raise them in a nice, calm environment, and they poison their society. So she came up with the idea that probably saved the human race from self destructing. She found those who were bad, and created a special place for them. The world got divided into 2 places: the Dark Lands (DLs) and the Light Lands (LLs).

The idea has almost completely stopped all bad things, from wars to bullying. Soon, there were layers in the Dark Lands, the small crimes closer to the border, the large ones farther. The severity of the crimes was decided by the motive and the impact on the person that was hurt by the crimes. A person who was sent was watched to see if they repented, and once they did they were returned to the Light Lands.

Chapter 1

Ash Everbleed, who’s Light Lands name was Liana Kellmorian, aged 11, was in the Dark Lands section of small crimes, lying on her bed. She was there because when she was six years old she stole a necklace from a girl. The necklace was not very dear to the girl, yet the theft made her jumpy and unwilling to trust. Every year since the theft Ash tried to regret, but the necklace was still very pretty and Ash didn’t feel very sorry.

She tried to act like she was repented so those who watched her will let her go back, but they were highly trained body language readers, and didn’t believe her act. Her family sent her a letter the day she got there, saying that the she is still part of the family, and until she managed to return to the Light Lands, they missed her and hoped that she will return soon.

Ash saved that letter along with the rest of the things that they brought her on their yearly visits, such as her first MIG, mobile information generator, which could also video chat and call, which aloud her to contact her family outside of their yearly visits, and a VRD, virtual reality device.

Life in the DLs wasn’t that terrible. It just meant you were kept from people from the LLs most of the time. But there were other people like Ash who were nice but just didn’t regret what they did, Like her BFF Twilight Wraith, who was very funny and kind, but used to trap people all the time. Repeatedly.

But Ash wanted to go back Light Lands, to escape the disappointed looks on her parents face and the flinching from other Light Land people, wondering what she did and how bad it was, and to finally feel like she belonged.

Ash got up from her bed, and washed her face and hands. As she looked at her face, she wondered what was the future of the face before her. “Well. time to clean this up,” she said facing her room, which  was very messy due to the sleepover she had with Twilight the night before. She took out her earphones, and played her favorite song, For The Glory.

Better back down, you’re in my domain

Got the whole crowd screaming out our name
It’s a blowout, it’s a hurricane
It’s over before you know it
Why you shaking, we’re a dynasty
In the making, we’re the royalty
Now we’re breaking down the enemy
Move over for the soldiers

Take a swing, I can take a hit
If we die it’s fine, we live for this
It’s all for this

We’re gonna stand on top with our hands in the sky
Gonna raise our cup to the stadium lights
For the glory (For the glory)
For the glory (For the glory)
We celebrate with the city tonight
Hear the hometown cheer, it’s the ultimate high
For the glory (For the glory)
We do it for the glory (For the glory)

This was Ash’s favorite song because she felt pretty much the same sometimes, and as she cleaned she sang with the singer. She was probably better than him singing it.

Ash went outside her little cottage to the green fields and forest, and looked at the sunrise, which others so rarely got to see.

She sat down on the grass, awed as every day she looked at this sight, that showed her the power of nature. She felt so small, and got lost in thought. As she sat she felt someone- or something- creep onto the grass next to her. She looked down and saw the little wolf she found one day and took in, Dash. She scratched her head and Dash crept into her lap.

That day was the day Light Landers could come visit the Dark Landers.

Ash changed quickly and went to visit Twilight, who, unsurprisingly, was still in bed. her friend was an afternoon person, no doubt about that.

That day was the day Light Landers could come visit the Dark Landers.

Ash changed quickly and went to visit Twilight, who, unsurprisingly, was still in bed. her friend was an afternoon person, no doubt about that. Ash shook Twilight until she woke.

“What is it?” asked Twilight groggily.

“It’s visiting day, remember? We take a day off from school. You asked me to wake you yesterday.”

“Why didn’t you say so before? What time is it?” asked Twilight, jumping from her bed.

“Don’t worry it’s only…” Ash checked her watch. Oh no, she must have sat there too long with Dash. “It’s 7 a.m…”

“WHAT?” yelled Twilight. “Wait for me outside, I’ll be right there! I gotta hurry! IT STARTS IN 10 MINUTES!”

Ash exited Twilight’s cottage and waited a few minutes, and then Twilight joined her. They  both ran to the visiting center, in which their families were already waiting.

“Ash, dear!” said Ash’s mother, Aries. “We thought you weren’t coming!”  Yeah right. They both knew Ash never misses visiting day. Ash smiled. “Well, here I am!” she said.

“ASH!” said a little voice next to her.              “Dom!” smiled Ash. Her 5 year old brother was probably the only one who didn’t care that she was living in the DLs.

“Ash look! My tooth fell out!” said Dom, showing her the gap in his little mouth.

Ash smiled and congratulated him. Then she saw a girl next to her parents, that looked her up and down, as if she was judging her.

“Who is this?” asked Ash.                              “Oh, this is Annabell Grace. She wanted to meet you, so we brought her along.”

“Hi,” said Ash to the girl.

“Hi,” she answered.

“Well, we’ll leave you to getting to know each other better,” said Ash’s mom. “We need to go visit Uncle Gloom.”

They left Ash and Annabell alone.

Chapter 2

Annabell stepped towards Ash.

“I heard you wanted to go back to the LLs, but just don’t regret what you did.” she whispered. “Well, I can help you with that.”

.~.~.~.

Inside Ash’s cottage, they could talk more freely.

“How can you possibly help me?” asked Ash.

“I have connections in the… upper windows, you could say,” said Annabell.

“But you don’t have any experience in the DLs, do you?” asked Ash.

“No,” admitted Annabell. “But with you here, I can learn.”

“So you never did anything bad?” asked Ash.

“Well…” said Annabell, “I just met you, right can’t tell you everything!” She smiled jokingly, but Ash saw the cautiousness and suspicion in her eyes.

That girl is hiding something, said Ash to herself. And I need to know what it is.

As the day reached its end, they exchanged MIG numbers, and promised to call each other regularly.

Ash decided to play some VRD games, and managed to stop thinking about the mysterious girl Annabell.

She fell asleep at 10, and as she went to school the next day she couldn’t concentrate.

What does it matter anyways? she asked herself. I won’t be here this time next year.

She sent Twilight a table note (a note passed by the screens on the tables) saying: meet me this afternoon. my house. – Ash

The reply was quick: K. see u there. – Twilight

.~.~.~.

“So you met Annabell Grace and she offered to take you back to the LLs?” asked Twilight.

“Yup,” nodded Ash. She had just told Twilight what had happened the day before. “Know anything about her?”

“As a matter of fact, I do. She was my best friend before I came here and you were. She steals in night time and has never been caught. I’m surprised that she didn’t get to the DLs yet.” said Twilight.

“I knew she was hiding something!” said Ash triumphantly. “When I go back, will you come with me?” she asked, suddenly worried.

“I’ll stay here, Ash. I like this place. If I ever repent, I’ll go back to the LLs. What do I have to lose?” said Twilight. “We’ll keep in touch. I won’t be the one to stop you from achieving your dreams.”

They hugged and promised to keep in touch.

Chapter 3

A few days past, then weeks, then months and suddenly a year has gone by. It was visiting day once more. Ash said hello quickly to her family, bracing herself for what would happen that day, and looked at Annabell.

“We need to talk.” said Ash.

Annabell frowned but nodded. “Alright,” said she.

.~.~.~.

“Well? Care to explain why you’ve frowned the entire time I’ve been here?” asked Annabell.

“I’m turning you in,” said Ash quietly.

“For what?” asked Annabell. Ash could see she was getting paler by the moment.

“For all the thefts that happened in the last few years. I know you’re behind them.” said Ash. “Why did you do it?”

“I’m a kleptomaniac,” admitted Annabell. “It means that I always feel the need to steal, even when I don’t need anything. But why are you turning me in? What did I do to you?” Her face turned sour, like she swallowed a lemon.

“I was placed in the DLs for one theft. You deserve to be in here much more than me.” answered Ash. “This isn’t fair.”

“You have no proof,” said Annabell like the knowledge was supposed to cause Ash great pain.

Ash raised her hand. In it was little recording device. “Oh yes I do,” she said.

Annabell gasped. “How-how could you, Ash?” she asked quietly. “I tried to help you.”

“You tried to. You didn’t. Now I’m helping myself.” answered Ash, her face stone hard.

“Well, I would rather have an honest enemy, Than fake friends.” said Annabell. “Just turn me in already. Get it over with.” she turned away from Ash, as if seeing her caused pain.

And then Ash turned Annabell in.

Chapter 4

Ash got a letter, which she read and reread 3 time, then ran over to Twilight’s.

The letter read the following:

Dear Ash Everbleed,

It has come to our notice that you turned in a wanted criminal, and we owe you our thanks. As it seems that you didn’t do any wrong in your stay at the Dark Lands (Ash snickered. Stay, like she had a choice), and we can see that you want the good of the public, you are allowed to go back to your home in the Light Lands. We hope you do not have to go back to the Dark Lands.

Sincerely, 

Law-Enforcement Squad Chief, Aratus Xandier

Ash couldn’t believe it. She was getting a chance to go home! She and twilight celebrated into the night, and Ash managed to push away the cloud of guilt that hung around her like a veil.

.~.~.~.

Meanwhile, Annabell was sent to the kleptomaniac part of the DLs, The Diamond Tunnels. The Diamond Tunnels are made especially for kleptomaniacs, and manage to keep their mania under control by giving each one of the people living their a special set of plastic gemstones that they keep, and then the rest need to steal it from them. There is no shame in losing your gemstones, and it’s like a friendly competition.

Annabell slumped against the wall in her cottage, as tears welled in her eyes. She couldn’t believe Ash, or as she was called now, Liana, actually betrayed her like that. Annabell trusted her, and they bonded over all those MIG calls and video chats. At least she thought they did. Ash probably knew her secret all the time and pretended not to. She was Annabell’s best friend. But it was all a facade, Annabell told herself bitterly. Ash didn’t even care. Her face was so stone-y, you could have carved in it. Annabell sighed and played a song that described her perfectly right now:  Annabell looked at her box of plastic gemstones. She could go steal one right now from someone else, and she won’t get in trouble. The thought warmed her up from inside. She was among friends.

She heard a knock at the door, and hastily brushed her tears away. “Come in!” she called.

A girl stuck her head inside. “Hey. You’re new girl, right?”

“Yup,” answered Annabell. “That’s me.”

“I’m Amber,” said the girl. “What’s your name?”

Annabell realized she still hadn’t thought up a DLs name. “I didn’t choose a name yet,” she admitted to Amber. “Wanna help me pick one?” she asked.

“Ooooh, yes!” said Amber, and sat down by Annabel’s side. “I was hoping you didn’t choose yet so I could help you. I knew it’s a bit unusual, but hey, so am I!” She said and grinned, And Annabell knew she as going to like her right away.

“OK, so what is your thing? What defines you? And most importantly, what name do you like?” asked Amber, shooting questions like bullets from a gun.

“Actually, I think I found a name,” said Annabell.

“Oh,” said Amber. She looked disappointed, so Annabell added, “I think it’s because of you. You showed me more or less what name I want to have,” she said, and Amber looked more cheerful. “So what name did you choose?” asked Amber eagerly.

“Cinder,” said Annabell, and as she said it, she knew it was the right one. “Cinder Vex.”          “I knew you’d choose a good one! “squealed Amber. “You wouldn’t believe what people here named themselves. There’s someone called Guy Bear!”

Annabell, who from now on will be called Cinder, found herself laughing and talking with Ember into the small hours of the night.

Chapter 5

Cinder met so many people in the last few days that she felt dizzy. She probably wouldn’t remember half of them by the end of the day. But she was happy. There were no more secrets, no more awkward and scary moments when someone got close to figuring out her secret. She already acquired five gemstones and met their owners. They all congratulated her on getting so many in such a short time and talked and joked with her. She never had this many friends, because she always closed herself to the world so no one might discover who she was. But here, she could drop the act. She was finally enjoying what others always had. She and Ember have grown very close, and visited each other once a day at least.

Cinder was happy. This was the best thing that ever happened in her life.

.~.~.~.

Ash, or as she will be called from now on, Liana, Was trying to enjoy life. She was finally back in the Light Lands! No one looked at her funny, or whispered behind her back, so why wasn’t she happy? The answer was clear, although Liana was trying to push it away. She may have finally gotten what she wanted, but it was at Cinder’s expense, and Liana couldn’t live with herself knowing it. She decided to try help Cinder get back.

1. the idea of the Guardian, is something that I need to talk more of (background, the wold before, how was she excepted, why did the world listen to her, what were her ideas, why did people agree, talk more about everything,).

2. What do people do in the other side? Whats the everyday life? Who are the watchers? What about the rules in the dark side? more background info.

3. More about characters. What are the dilemmas,  everyday life, family business, friends.

4. What happened when she was 6? why is the punishment so hard? why isn’t she repenting? is she smart? sly? geek? nerd? popular? athlete? The reader is imagining what this is. you need to tell the reader exactly what to. more info about the place in which it was, the situation. you need to be able to freeze the moment and make it a drawing for example. think like its gonna be a movie, and a critique is coming any moment to look. the reader is the critique.

5. it needs to be full, no holes, i can put ideas in there, make people think about it.

6. add more guardian parts. she made this reality, she needs to be in the story. maybe add a few life hanging decisions, add a background, figure, looks, talk.