The Bogeyman’s Last Scare

Bernard the Bogeyman – semi-retired
stayed in his castle and quickly acquired
a taste for high living, a taste for fine food
which rounded his middle and mellowed his mood.

He liked to chew weeds from the gardens nearby
and he’d scrape yellow mould off his walls which he’d fry.
He liked to jump into the swamp for a swim
where the resident monster was frightened of him.

He liked to go walking around Wogley Wood
where the spirits retreated as fast as they could,
and trees shook their branches whenever he strolled
for he was the Bogeyman – scarer of old.

And come every evening the grandfather clock
would chime to remind him to jog round the block.
He’d pad through back gardens and take in the air
where once he’d be searching for children to scare.

And sometimes he’d listen when stories were told
of Bernard the Bogeyman, monster of old.
And terrified children would listen wide eyed
while outside the window the bogeyman spied.

These stories were filled with such horror and gore
and one awful fellow at seventy four
depicted our Bernard as some savage beast
who served up young kids as an afternoon feast.

Billy O’ Brian had talent of course
but tended to dwell on the dark and morose.
He’d scare his young brothers in fantastic tones
with tales of the bogeyman chewing on bones.

These tales of dark doings where good was defeated
are really too gross and should not be repeated.
These blood drenched adventures caused Bernard distress.
Oh, bogeymen do get a terrible press.

The following day as our man took a swim
the monster was asked: ‘Am I really so grim?’
The beast rolled its eyes and emitted a sigh
which Bernard received as a welcome reply.

One evening at bedtime from under the covers
O’Brian narrated a tale to his brothers.
He laughed as they started to shiver and shake
but Billy O’Brian had made a mistake.

For as he looked out at the starry night sky
Bernard the Bogeyman cast him an eye.
He saw twisted features, a permanent scowl.
What was this strange demon, this monster most foul?

Of course his two brothers were eager to know
the reason why Billy was whiter than snow.
They turned to the window but Bernard had vanished
and Billy’s dark angels forever were banished.

Now come every evening the grandfather clock
still chimes to tell Bernard to jog round the block.
He pads through the garden and listens with joy
at seventy four to a talented boy.

For Billy O’Brian no longer distresses
small children with horrors. He talks of Princesses
and pirates and treasure and brave little boys
which Bernard the Bogeyman greatly enjoys.