Complicated

by Alaa Aburumi

Artwork: Alaa Aburumi

Joined Mar 2018
Published Books 1

Complicated

Miss Perfect. Hi, nice to meet you!

You are probably asking yourself why I am calling myself that, but if I was apart of your life, you’ll be asking yourself why I am calling YOU that, you’ll also know the answer yourself, and you’ll know that it’s what you and everybody think of me, I’m not saying that because I’m trying to be full of myself but, you see, it’s the peoples first impression of me. Apparently it’s how self centered I look, how confident I walk and how mysterious I talk. It sucks to feel that people around you are jealous of you, for your personality, for how smart you are, for your success, friends, that folk, just wants to end you for no good convincing reason.

I mean though they’re kind to each other, they seem to have an issue with me, but unfortunately for them… I don’t really care.

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I have my friends and they are more than enough for me, I don’t care how weird they are. I just want them honest, loyal and sweet.

Because look around you! We live in a dog eats dog world. I had a lot of friends, whom I thought loved me, but at the end it appeared that they were only hiding their real faces under a fake mask, to kill my name for some fame, I was blind, I’ll admit it. But I grew up. I lived a little, I broke hearts, built another, and here I am kinda happy as ever.

Why “kinda happy”? Well I’ve got some problems in my life. Everybody does. No one’s life is perfect.

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I have a crush, well. Wait, no! Probably 5 crushes. You can laugh as much as you want but let me tell you something… I didn’t say *love*, isn’t that the word everybody uses when having a gf/bf or even a crush? well I don’t care. I will never say “I love you” to anybody and mean it from the bottom of my heart. Yup, even my own family. I’m that pathetic, at least y’all aint calling me perfect anymore.

First two are twins, one’s called Jod and the other one is called Chris.

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Chris? Aren’t we meant to be? Even the names are similar, I’m laughing hard right now! He’s tall, charming, cute & handsome, what could you ask more in a guy? Oh! Being smart? Exactly… he only needs that, I love everything about him; hair, eyes, eyebrows, perfect imperfections… he’s not the type of “Imma be a better person, live my life, and try everything”, I like adventurous guys but still my heart beats a million times faster whenever I see him. But the real problem is.. he doesn’t like me back! His twin brother does, what a consequence, right? you may shout.

.

Now shut up. Complicated.

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I’ve got to say that I think Chris looks like my first love, and that’s why I like him… although his personality is different in a cute way too. Enough about him, lets talk about Jod, he’s a great person, actually the best man you’ll ever ask for. So romantic, sweet, supportive and loyal.

Cone on now, I know you’re curious about the others so I’ll stop talking about these twins for now and move to another crush… Um… He’s old, handsome, sweet and the best thing that made me call him a crush of mine is that he’s open minded.. I’m not going to talk about him much, because there won’t be any relationship between us since we’re forbidden. Also it bites me that I like older guys.. I mean I’m 24 but I really really love spending time with matures. I can’t help it!

Anyways here’s another crush of mine, the famous British actor that we all know as Captain Jack Sparrow, but his real name is Johnny Depp, a great, funny, mature guy, who’s actually my idol type of elders. Who has an ex wife, an 18 years old girl and a 15 young man.

My cousin, a crush you can call ancient! You might “Ew” me as much as you want right now but you don’t know much about me, he was my first love and I don’t like him now, feelings change you know?

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I keep mostly thinking about the twins.

Jod is a great guy… but at least that’s what I thought, you see he’s not the guy I’m looking for. He’s just not my type, but his brother is. Can you blame me? It’s my heart whose job is to decide, but NOOOOOO he messes everything up! Jod has a white pale skin, which I don’t like… a black as foil eyes, and a very black hair, not smart as I see in my classes, but he tries. And I like that about him.

Also you know that sweet men get friend zoned right?

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A lot of things happened in my life, me Christina. But none makes me VERY happy, except for the existence of a girl who isn’t a best friend, she’s more like a sister whom I never had. I love her, because she’s more like me, but we, both don’t realize that. She’s the only person who’s keeping me from doing something that I wouldn’t have time to regret later.

I’m a competitive person, in everything. I like being the best and it hurts me when I do all the job and others get the credit. It’s like committing a crime for me.

I have this classmate in college who thinks she’s better than anyone else in the class, who most teachers like because they think she’s flawless but let me tell you something! She’s not what she is in front of you, she likes attention, she’s never her true self, only thinks about fooling others, how do I know that? I was her “friend” for a while, I’m wise I keep my friends close however my enemies closer, she was in my classes in middle school and I thought I could’ve used her as an ally, but I dislike betrayers, they deserve to be devastated.

She’s a very self centered young girl, I’ll admit she was a great person, but since she was blind and didn’t see what was coming for her. Her manners got ruined, she gained bad morals, and became a total moron by joining the plastics group in college.

I am varied than everyone. I just think I’m unique. She got intelligence, what about me? I’m a hard worker. And just to let you know. Hard work beats talent! For me working hard to achieve goals is what I’m living for.

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Did I mention I’m a Muslim? No? Well, with no further ado, I’m a Muslim! I don’t wear hijabs but I do pray.

My society is hell, legitimately. It doesn’t help women nor give them their rights, it doesn’t make their lives easier, it makes it way way herder! It never gives women what they exactly want, not even the things that comes always at the bottom of the list, equality.

I can’t travel anywhere alone, I cannot even go to the supermarket on my own. I can’t swim with comfy clothes, I have to be full-covered all day long. I can’t listen to my fav music on fridays! I can’t do anything freely because I’m a girl and a muslim. I’m not saying I hate my religion. It’s just so… uh? Complicated? But I thank my God everyday for giving me a father like mine. He’s the best! I look like my father a lot, he taught me to not be like other girls, to be a hard worker, to achieve my dreams at any cost, to do whatever I want and follow my dreams. I adore him. Because he’s supportive, understanding, sweet, and most of all doesn’t use violence nor hands, just words. He’s a gentleman, and my idol in life.

I don’t really know where I’m going to go with my life, it’s complicated. I want to be a mentalist but I read it’s something you cannot learn it’s a gift which God gave you to earn and be different from others in your own unique way. But I really like the idea of “reading minds”, I mean even thou that’s the wrong idea about a mentalist, I still like it!

I also like being famous, I like attention, but I don’t ask for it, It comes on its own, and I just wait till a useful opportunity booms and straight to the right time, I steal it in a heart beat, and get all the benefits out of it. I’d like to be an actor, a singer and a YouTuber at a young age just like Logan Paul! To be funny, friendly, cute, sweet, and most of all having the ability to draw a smile on people’s faces.

I want to be a successful, independent woman, I want to rely on myself, live by myself, to ask for nobody’s company but a sister that doesn’t have to be from my mothers womb.

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I need to figure my life out, believe me belonging in a society like mine will get you in a bubble, most people get stuck in it especially girls and women but I told you before I’m not like other girls, I’m better. And you my dear friend, should be like me. I believe in you wherever you are, you can do much better. You just need to believe in yourself, to love yourself, to be confident and give none to the losers who call YOU loser, trust me you aint nothing but a fighter. And whenever you cry, I want you to know that people like you usually tear because they were strong for too long.

Be a fighter, get out of your comfort zone and everyone will call you perfect, put aside that you’ll be hated by the jealous people around you. But do you care now? You want your happiness! And the best health, so be careless, be me. 😉

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