EPISODE 1

富  豪   /  土豪

fú hào  / tǔ háo

 

 

 

To help me start this piece, I asked my workmate Matt – almost a New Yorker – to give me some examples of American slang that you would never find in an ESL textbook. He said that he  uses so much slang, it’s difficult to choose just one. EXACTLY, Matt, thank you – you helped me by default here!

I’ll break it to you now: Whatever language you learn, it’s not sophisticated vocabulary or advanced grammar we should sink into our teeth into first. Instead, start with ‘street smart’ language, so that when someone says ‘Damn, I have been dragging my ass for too long,’ we don’t become worried about this poor person’s derriere. Our reaction should be the opposite, in fact! Chinese language is no different here. That’s why I will be helping you learn some of the funniest/ most useful/ most important phrases. Phrases that, when used in front of locals, will earn you maaany dropped Chinese jaws along with ‘Ni de Zhongwen hen bang de!’

 

So let’s get to it. A few months ago I started teaching at an American high school for some of Shanghai’s most well-off kids. Their parents spare no expense getting their little darlings speaking good English in order to send them to the promised land out West. However, these kids will not give up using their beloved Chinese or Shanghainese slang even during their ESL class with me! And this is where I first heard about TU HAO’ and  ‘FU HAO.’

 

So the thing is – we know it, we are not ashamed of it and this is the reason why we came here – China has a lot of money. Therefore,as a natural result,  Chinese people obviously have quite a lot of money to spend . But of course, different people spend their money in different ways. And although I am self –acclaimed history anti fan, I need to give a little bit of historical background here to explain more than just a slight difference between two similarly sounding expressions.

 

tǔ háo  土豪 ( third and fourth tone, Nike tone amd angry tone – as my teacher says)  – an offensive term for ‘freshly’ rich Chinese people with no taste

 

fú hào 富  豪 ( fourth and second tone ) – not an offensive term at all, referring to the wealthy and very powerful citizens of currently the most popular country in the world

 

Around late 1980s and in 1990s , president Deng Xiao Ping – a REAL game changer – opened China for other markets,  thus allowing foreigners to do business here. That maneuver has a special, fancy name in Chinese – ‘Gaige kaifang’. Before that, the majority of Chinese people were basically poor and probably not far away from the image that was introduced to me in primary school – straw hat and a bowl of rice. HOWEVER, Gaige Kaifang allowed Chinese people to do business with laowais, open factories for production of anything conceivable that foreigners wanted to manufacture. And that’s how  tǔ háos were born – people, who were maybe not that smart, but very very lucky, who became insanely rich up to the point that they didn’t know what to do with  the money. They didn’t need to wait for a long time, though, to solve this ‘problem’ – since all the high street Western brands also started mushrooming in big cities, the newly rich Chinese thought it would be only appropriate to dress up from head to toe in everything with a Western brand name on it, to make sure everyone around would notice their status. Unfortunately, because all this was happening really fast, they didn’t  have time to get a lesson in style to wrap their heads around the fact that donning a t-shirt covered with LV paired with Chanel logo printed all over the pants is not a very tasteful thing. Over the years, though, things changed a bit, but mud people ( tǔ 土  – means ‘mud’, ‘country people’ ) still roam the streets here and there, remaining one of the symbols of China to western eyes. Yet, hopefully, China will aim to pride itself in being the home or more and more  fú hàos 富  豪  – who, unlike  tǔ háos , are wealthy, powerful people with good taste (and so far, mostly Hong Kong people bear this honorable title , granted by mainlanders.

Still, I put my hopes really high that this evolution won’t happen within a blink of an eye,as this peculiar Chinese style of newly rich is something  that makes the country of the middle so endearingly unique and never fails to make my day, providing some  healthy chuckle, even on one of those most polluted Shanghai days. And most importantly,whenever during my class some of my students can’t keep themselves from surfing Taobao and ordering new pair of Dolce and Gabbana sneakers, I will for sure get almost a standing ovation every time I confiscate the ‘crime tool’ along with correctly pronounce ‘tǔ háo’, added to one of my brightest signature grins.

 

  

 

 

 

EPISODE 2

高富帅          /      白富美

gāo  fù  shuài /     bái fù měi

 

 

 

 

Before some ‘hipster’ cartoons like Shrek became popular, aiming to teach kids that beauty is only skin deep and a rich princess would rather give up her luster and wealth to marry rude and ugly ogre, most of people born in their 80s got a little brainwashed by Disney productions. In practice that means we learned more or less consciously that slim, long haired princess and a tall, handsome prince are socially approved ‘ideals’ of people we should seek to have a relationship with. And although you might think China is like a completely different planet, turns out they did watch exactly same animations, maybe just girls focused a bit more on Snowhite, Why?

No matter which Chinese city of province you find yourself in, every single Chinese person will tell you, without a moment of hesitation, that a perfect woman in their eyes has white face, wealth and beauty – and such lucky lady is called 白富美  bái fù měi (白 bái– white, 富 fù– rich,  美 měi– beauty).

Rich and beauty parts don’t need too much explanation, but why ‘white’?! Chinese people have this saying ‘yí bái zhē bǎi chǒu’ – which means ‘white skin can hide hundreds of defects’ – so be ready that if you come to China and you pride yourself in naturally, ivory white skin, you are bound to be an object of frequent admiration (another good reason to remember about daily application of sunscreen!) and unavoidable, random photo sessions in the streets.

Now, obviously every bái fù měi  should have an appropriate partner to complete her status, and in perfect life she should never cease to find a type of a guy called  高富帅 gāo  fù  shuài ( 高 gāo – tall,  富 fù – rich and 帅 shuài – handsome).These ‘requirements’ are not that far away from Western ones, after all. BUT !In order to let China keep its uniqueness, there are special conditions of being considered gāo  fù  shuài and of course – peculiar way they carry themselves. Chinese ‘Princes Charming’ never bothered themselves to work hard because they were born in privileged families AND they live their life most probably following the motto ‘I am  gāo  fù  shuài and I know it, I am not afraid to show it!’ – by showing off their privilege ,including all belongings as well as  bái fù měi  style girlfriends on various social media.

If Shrek lived in modern China, he would NEVER get away with his shenanigans and the excuse about onion and layers, and his buddies would never be able to throw the ‘Living la vida loca’ wedding party since Chinese Fiona would definitely choose Justin Timberlake’s doppelganger. But I believe, he might at some point find common ground with some gāo  fù  shuài  , because just like Shrek, they simply know what they want and who they are, so maybe would be willing to share their knowledge how to make all ‘bái fù měi’ girls think ‘damn he fly when he walk on by’ ( well, just in Chinese, of course;)

  

 

EPISODE 3

屌丝

diǎo sī

 

 

If you maybe by any chance remember last week’s episode, I was brutally honest in saying that in modern China, an ugly Ogre , even with the purest heart, would never be able to marry bái fù měi –ish ( Chinese ideal of a woman) princess, because BAI FU MEI is supposed to be reserved strictly for the  gāo  fù  shuài – the ultimately privileged male with the full package.

 

Shrek, with his ‘I don’t give a flying f..k about all the whole wealth in the world’ attitude would represent the complete opposite category of people in contemporary Chinese culture – those, who in 2012, gained the name diǎo sī 屌丝.And since I get an official permit to write what I want and need here, and because all the readers are 18+, then I will tell you the exact meaning –  屌 diǎo  means ‘penis’ and 丝 sī stands for ‘thread’, but for polite dinner conversation, ‘loser’ would be enough. HOWEVER! Diǎo sī is not a totally negative expression and to understand why, focus a bit here, please!

 

At the very beginning, when the term ‘diǎo sī’ was coined, it referred to that group of YOUNG people who proudly chose NOT to chase big money and prestigious careers, and would instead revel in doing nothing but playing online games day and night. If you haven’t heard yet, they even have their own ‘theme song’ created by netizens, that goes’ Single boy, single boy, single all the way, online game, masturbate, let us all be gay’….( I really appreciate working with Chinese teenagers).

 

Since 2012, though, this expression has evolved a bit due to economic changes in China. As you already know, some people got extremely lucky when 中国 opened itself to the rest of the world, turning into signature, lovely tǔ háos, who eventually became ‘fruitful’ and multiplied, thus gracing us with the second generation of wealthy youth called fù èr dài. The less lucky ones have been struggling with ever rising prices of property and low salaries, so naturally, their children didn’t grow up wearing D&G flip flops around the house .And guess what, they are not ashamed of it! They are proud of calling themselves ‘diǎo sī ’ – because whatever they have ,they achieved it through hard work AND, most importantly – learned to appreciate small things in life.

 

So next time you find yourself on the subway, facing a row of Chinese guys playing online games on their precious mobile devices, try stopping yourself from rolling your eyes and, instead, just be happy for them. They are simply, blissfully enjoying this seemingly unimportant activity and dealing with the fact that they could never take a Gucci schoolbag for granted…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 EPISODE 4 

有钱任性没钱认命

yǒu qián rènxìng, měi qián rènmìng

 

 

 

Before anyone says anything about my choice of topic for this episode – yes, I do realize it is about money again. Money and China, to be exact. But well, whether you like it or not, the truth is that you won’t pay your bills with love (well, maybe in some places it would be feasible, but I bet not everyone is so fond of this kind of ‘barter agreement’..).  Nor will you eat compassion. Plus, the power of Mao yeye ( Grandpa Mao…check you RMB notes if this sounds strange)  is constantly growing, so it’s no surprise why most Chinese buzz words revolve around this seemingly fragile  thing that makes the world go around.

Keeping with the fast economic growth of China this year,  in April 2014 the phrase  

有钱任性没钱认命 yǒu qián rènxìng, měi qián rènmìng came to life. Exact translation goes like this ‘有钱 yǒu qián – have money , 任性 rènxìng – uninhibited, 没钱 měi qián – don’t have money, 认命 rènmìng – be resigned to sth.

So what exactly happened in April? Well, one Chinese tuhao, Mr Liu, decided to buy a health care product online for ‘just’ 1760 RMB. And since whatever we do in the virtual world shall never be forgotten nor remain unnoticed he was soon contacted by a stranger with, one might think, strong persuasive skills, because he managed to convince Mr Liu to purchase more ‘miraculous’ health enhancing products, with a price totaling 540,000 RMB (no, no mistake here, trust me). Poor swindler, though…. , Turned out it wasn’t actually his distinguished scamming talent responsible for that windfall. Later on, Mr Liu revealed that, though he did realize he got fooled when the amount reached 70,000, he ‘just wanted to see how much they could take from him’…Well, life is, after all, all about new experiences, right?!

So basically, putting all the puzzles pieces together, yǒu qián rènxìng 有钱任性 would mean that being shamelessly rich gives you the freedom to overspend your money on any harebrained idea  – whether it is challenging an online scammer, or getting a hundred boxes of yogurt only to lick off what you find on the underside of the lid,  only to throw away the rest. But if you are just a humble ‘diao si,’ then let me break it to you – you have no other choice but surrender to your ‘fate’ and be ‘normal’ – měi qián rènmìng 没钱认命.

Well, ok, don’t get that heartbroken yet – you can still use yǒu qián rènxìng expression referring to yourself. Let’s say you go to a cheap bar and buy way too many dishes for one person. As your order arrives, and you see whole table being covered with food just for yourself, you can flash a smile to the onlookers, and say ‘yǒu qián rènxìng ’有钱任性 .It will be sarcastic, but still!

I don’t know about you, but after almost 2.5 years in China, the needle on my WTF meter has almost snapped off: whether it is a person jogging in silk pajamas at 4 am or a pony-sized dog wearing Prada for its evening walk, I’ve seen a lot. 

But now, thanks to Mr Liu, instead of that little three-letter acronym echoing in my head when I see a rainbow-colored Chrysler limousine parked in front of a shabby lane house or a pink Ferrari with a Hello Kitty decal staring at me from the hood, I can cheerfully say  ‘Yǒu qián rènxìng!’

 

 

 

EPISODE 5

不作死就不会死

bù zuō sǐ jiù bú huì sǐ – NO ZUO NO DIE

 

 

“You are crazy” this is the most frequent comment I receive from my friends in reaction to my weekly updates. And vice versa. Actually, at some point we started having those ‘arguments’ over whose craziness levels were higher, but there is nothing negative or judgmental about it. ’You think I am crazy but that’s not bad’ as Rihanna belts out in one of her songs.

See, the thing is that when you come to China, whatever your origins are, you will undergo more or less conscious transformation after a while.

Not only will your WTF threshold go irreversibly higher but you will also become less inhibited. Whether it is wearing blue, knee-length Manggha style wig while entering a 5-star hotel, taking a walk downtown at 2 am with enormous, black-feathered wings on, or ‘ganbeing’ a police officer at the beer festival while wearing a hat temporarily borrowed from him – it is really difficult to beat yourself, let alone surprise the locals here anymore.

I have been wondering a lot recently: is it because of the mixture of all us laowais coming to China? Or is it this peculiar country itself OR maybe just mutual influence that makes this place the best incubator for all the inconceivable shenanigans that we witness or experience every day? One thing is for sure, though. The locals are aware of this fact and apparently have seen some epic fails by people here trying to challenge the borderline, so they coined this phrase, that even made its way to the American Urban Dictionary. It goes like this ‘不作死就不会死”(bù zuō sǐ jiù bú huì sǐ). 作死”zuō sǐliterally means ‘seek death’and zuō itself can mean act silly or dangerous, and the whole phrase means ‘If you don’t look for trouble, you won’t find any’. And since China is latest and greatest on the international stage, Western media picked it up practically overnight (this phrase received over 1,600 likes in our social media) and they couldn’t help but adopt it, just..they ‘Chinglished’ it, of course (which is, for those of you not in the ‘inner circle’ – directly translating Chinese expression into English, without paying much attention to logic). So the Urban Dictionary’s translation, that got a green light from Chinese people, goes ’No zuo no die’ with more ‘cool’ explanation ’If you don’t do stupid things, they won’t come back and bite you in the ass ( but if you do, they most certainly will).

 

But the best part about ‘No zuo no die’ is that it even has its own anthem! Or actually a few versions of it, that can be sung with catchy songs or TV show themes like ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’ or ‘Doramon’ to name a few. My favorite ones, passed on from my invaluable students, are: “No zuo no die, why you try?!No try, no high give me five!’

Or ‘ No zuo no die, why you try, you try you die, don’t ask why!’

Well, makes sense. Especially when I think back to my Mid – Autumn Festival trip to Moganshan with one of my best friends. At some point we found ourselves in a cab at 10 pm, headed to the top of the mountain. The driver turned out to be a die hard fan of ‘Fast and Furious’ because in the pitch dark he was taking the most daring turns on the edges of cliffs, leaving me completely speechless (and this is something that most people find impossible). Well, that’s what you get taking a cab in the middle of nowhere, in China, being a foreigner. BUT we tried! And sipping our well deserved beers at the top of the mountain , we ‘high gave each other five’ for another unforgettable adventure, as the lyrics of the One Republic song ’Counting Stars’ were wafting around:’ I feel something so right, but doing the wrong thing, I feel something so wrong, but doing the right thing. I could lie, could lie, could lie, everything that kills me makes me feel alive!’

 

 

 

 

EPISODE 6

 不明觉厉  

bù míng jué lì

 

 

 

I will admit it officially here. No false pretense. Just brutal honesty. My knowledge of chemistry and physics, to put it mildly, is quite limited. Despite my family being chock full of science nerds, (my friggin’ mom worked in a Polish military lab) I couldn’t tell a quark from a crayon. Suffice it to say that passing science classes was one of the great challenges of my life so far.

Even learning Mandarin has been a piece of cake in comparison. I was so bad that I had to come up with an elaborate scheme to cheat my way to a passing grade in physics. Despite this flaw, I am lucky enough to have a few science-literate friends now. Just a few days ago I was talking with one of them. She studies something that is the ultimate rocket science to me – chemical engineering. To broaden our Whatsapp convos beyond partying and men issues, I asked ‘What exactly is it that you study?’ To satisfy my curiosity (and probably educate me a bit), she told me ‘how interesting it is to work with graphene’ and that it is ‘pure carbon in the form of a very thin, nearly transparent sheet, just one atom thick….’ Well, there was more to it, but that alone was awe–inspiring to me and my arts-and-crafts proclivity.. All I could type back to her was ‘Wow, that sounds awesome…. but I have no idea what the hell u r talking about ’.

Ok, so how can we appreciate something but not understand it in the slightest? Weird, right? BUT! Chinese has the perfect expression for such occasions – 不明觉厉 bù míng jué lì .Bù míng jué lì is in fact an abbreviation, just like our precious ‘OMG’ or ‘LOL’’ .

Bù 不 is not. Míng 明  is actually short form of  míng bai 明白 – understand, and  jué lì 觉厉  is a combination of two words:  jué de 觉得 – think and  lì hài 厉害 – fierce/terrific. So, bù míng jué lì  means ’I don’t quite get it, but I think you are really terrific’

Originally, this was used by newbies who wanted to express adoration for a master. This still applies. So if you have a friend who starts talking to you about flux capacitors and grey nano goo and you feel like a dimwit, you can humbly nod your head and reply ‘Bù míng jué lì’.

BUT!Since netizens are the slang lords, and since they are fluent in my first language – sarcasm – this quaint little expression soon mutated into a way to mock all displays of self-righteousness and mistakes online. Go figure, eh?

What makes life so amazing and interesting is that we can’t understand everything, and there will be always something to pull our jaws down to the ground. For example:you are sitting at a bar in China. Suddenly, a considerable amount of time after happy hour has finished, the bar tender hands you another glass of wine and says ‘Happy hour, buy one get one free’.Don’t start wondering if you are both in the same time zone.The best you can do is to tip the glass his way and say 不明觉厉 ! 

 吐槽

 tǔ cáo

 

 

 

China is not for everyone. For the uninitiated audience, a quick recap: learning Chinese is a must for daily living; you are always beset by a crowd while commuting, and your personal privacy bubble is bound to be burst on a regular basis; and local habits will challenge everything mama taught you about acceptable public behavior. Hence, expats either leave China asap, stay and laugh it off, or stay but ’ complain ‘ til the sun goes down (and then complain about time difference back home). This last type will gripe for hours about how ‘unprofessional’ this and that is and how things are better in other places. And if you tell them ‘This is China, you just need to accept it’ , they reply ’This country will never change because of that attitude!’

 

To honor this last type (and maybe validate their ‘hardship’ by with a special name) the term tǔ cáo 吐槽 was coined in 2014.” 吐” means to “spit”, and “槽” is a “trough” or “tank. This phrase came from a Fujian dialect, and the literal meaning is ‘spit into other people’s bowls’. Nowadays, people use it to describe those who make sure that everyone knows about their suffering.

 

I really don’t want to come off as a perfect laowai who looks down on her brothers and sisters here: When I came to China 2.5 years ago, I did my share of complaining, too. I’ve been there. At the very beginning, when I started as an au-pair in a beautiful but wild Chengdu, I had a real lesson in survival. I lived with a tǔ háo-ish family that scrutinized me non–stop behind my back but showed me their pearly whites during dinner. Plus, at that time my Chinese skills were on their fours, and their English was below communicative level.

 

Since then, I’ve learned a lot. And although my friends know I still have my moments now and then, I try to apply ‘molo molo’ ( my favorite French phrase for ‘take it easy’) attitude every time I feel my last straw might drop. And since it is the beginning of the year, I encourage you to do the same. Maybe as a resolution. Instead of being tǔ cáos and spitting into other people’s bowls, be molo molo and cherish the Chinese experience. It is unique and life-changing.

 

lā chóu hèn

 

 

 

 

 

Do you remember in ancient times when we took pictures just to catch elusive, precious moments? And the anticipation before picking them up from the photo studio? Next there was buying the albums, segregating the photos and finally inviting family and friends over to admire the highlights of the vacation in Greece. It never even occurred to us to share our memories with hundreds of people.

Those times are long gone, of course. The newest generations will be flabbergasted to hear about them. With the proliferation of friend-making platforms like My Space, Facebook and Wechat, the motivation for taking photos has undergone a revolution. Plus smartphones contribute a great deal as well.

Let’s face the truth now – ever since social media took over, we don’t take pictures just for the sake of remembering our best moments any more. We do it for our own ego. We want to make sure that everyone around knows that we travel to the most exotic destinations, eat fancy food and have a super exciting life in general. Every new ‘like’ undeniably feeds our ego’s needs. However there are some social media users who take it to another level. Those who will not go through the day without posting a new LV trash can in their bathroom or a new pink Ferrari standing right next to the sparkling purple Maserati in an LV wallpapered garage. Discerning Chinese netizens named this phenomenon 拉仇恨 lā chóu hèn. 拉” (lā) means ‘pull’ and 仇恨” (chóu hèn) translates into hatred. All these 3 characters together mean ‘courting envy’. Never holding back from inundating your social media audiences with the evidence of your luxurious life. There is actually a Chinese name for this behavior – shài 晒 and means ‘show’. When your Chinese friends are posting another snapshot of their 5,000 RMB dinner and you feel frustrated because you are tucking in the 10 RMB instant noodles , you can ask them ‘你是在拉仇恨吗’ – nǐ shì zài lā chóu hèn ma ? Are you trying to make me envious?

Although I am not a tǔ háo …yet, I admit I like to post a lot of pictures. Same as I loved showing my old school albums to all our guests when I was a kid. Instead of sharing shots of rainbow color BMW scooter with Hello Kitty, I just post things that make me happy or stuff that I think will bring a smile to my audience. The other day, for example , I saw two elderly men standing next to my house’s fence and working on the watercolor depictions of my beautiful street. I took a picture of this scene and was about to post it on wechat. But then I reminded myself how my Chinese teacher and a friend always teases me that I go on and on about how I am in love with the French concession and my street in particular ( although she is the one who made it happen ). That’s true, I am lucky and extremely happy about it, but I really don’t say it to lā chóu hèn others.

But I still wanted to share it with some bigger audience! So since Mirror doesn’t have a Facebook account , I will shài there! This way will avoid her jabs about my raves at Hunan road and still my ego will be properly fed. 

rén jiān bù chāi.

 

 

 

Although I have been in China for 2,5 years and feel like I’ve changed a lot, there is still one thing that gets me into trouble. I am brutally honest and straightforward. And this trait is NOT in high demand in China. If you want to get along with locals, the #1 rule is never cause anyone to ‘lose face’ by telling them the truth and pointing out their mistakes. Even if you do it by accident, it will be an infraction not likely to be forgiven.

And don’t think that maybe in a working environment your Chinese colleagues will be willing to meet half way in order to make a change for better. When I was trying to teach the kids in our high school some basic manners like saying ‘please’ and ‘excuse me’, I later found out there was a long report written, depicting me as ‘China’s Public Enemy #1’.

The best example came from last Friday’s staff meeting. One of my European colleagues addressed a hygiene issue. He suggested a boot camp to teach our students to use the public toilet decently. After all, they will go to USA next year, so it is not only for our sake but for their’s as well,. But the majority of the Chinese staff reacted utterly disgusted facial expressions . Apparently we crossed the line. Although we did not ‘challenge’ those kids directly, the Chinese staff felt offended on their behalf.

Back in 2013, Taiwanese singer Yoga Lin Youjia pointed out this issue in his song ‘Lie’ . Its popular line that became one of the top 10 Chinese buzz words in 2013 was 人艰不拆  rén jiān bù chāi. It is again an abbreviation of a longer sentence that goes: 人生 rén shēng ( life) 艰难 jiān nán ( hard) 不要 bú yào ( not) 拆穿chāi chuān ( expose, unmask, tell the truth). So the full expression is : Life is so hard, don’t hurt me with truth.

From my observations , though – even some Westernized Chinese people get confused from time to time. My Chinese teacher – now a class teacher in the same school where I work – couldn’t get over this one fact. She is not allowed to give real feedback to Chinese parents about their kids. Even though she is a local, and believes they would only benefit from the truth, she can’t ‘hurt’ the parents. Just because rén jiān bù chāi. And I know her pain because in my previous job I got in trouble AGAIN for the same reason. After writing the monthly report on our kindergarten students in whichI pointed out that some of the kids had ‘special needs’I was informedthat I seriously insulted the parents.

Yes, life is hard .To us Westerners, it seems obvious that owning up to our mistakes is the best way to learn. And hopefully this makes life easier. But the concept of losing face in China is something we have to accept. There is no compromise.’ A person needs a face just as a tree needs its bark’ – that’s what we should have in our minds.

Just now, as I am writing this episode, my friend from US texted me. She said that the parcel she sent me LAST YEAR arrived in China, but for a mysterious reason I never received it and it got directed back to Denver. And it came back AFTER A YEAR. She asked me if I could maybe go to the post office in my previous neighborhood and ask for some explanations, because ‘it is obviously their fault!’.I told her TIC – This is China! And I’m not even surprised. Nor will I dare to confront them for obvious reasons. We are still mystified about the parcel’s fate during the past year, but maybe it’s better not to know the truth. Wǒ de rénshēn jiānnán bú yào chāi chuān

 

 

 

 

EPISODE 10

 萌萌哒  

méng méng da

 

 

 

 

There has been a really intense competition recently among my 2 other colleagues and me :  who will get the grasp of advanced Chinese faster. I am trying to explain it to them that there’s no way they can exceed me, but they are really stubborn.

One of our favorite ways of adopting native Chinese expressions is to pick on the brains of our students, especially one particular group. And since my workmate Matt is extremely determined to win with me, he will grab poor kids in the hall on daily basis to consult his Mandarin findings. Having spotted that, I decided – all is fair in love and war. So last Friday I asked those kids:

 

G: Hey, do you know that your ESL exam  I prepared is on Monday, right?

Kids :Well, yeah….

G: Do you want to get good grades?

K: Yes…..

G: So stop teaching Chinese to Matt! No foreigner in this office can be better than me!

K: Gosia, you are méng méng da !

G: Hmm, I am…shenme? 

 

Fearing a big failure of Monday test, my dear victims explained to me that recently it’s just very popular expression among Chinese netizens. And 萌 méng just means cute. This word is doubled because it is common Chinese way to emphasize something or make it sound like a child talk. My Chinese friend ( who is my other secret resource I won’t share with my colleagues)  put it like this: ’Chinese way of typical children’s talk is mainly doubling words. That makes them sound softer. Therefore Chinese parents  will double the names  of their precious ones to make them sound less formal and more lovely. So because méng means cute, it will sound even more adorable if we double it .And da  is just a sound, without any meaning’.

Ok, so he got me confused a bit. I understood doubling part, but why do we need to add meaningless sound? Then my friend enlightened me and said ‘méng méng da’ is like a Chinese version of the kissing sound ‘muaahh’ .If something is cute and adorable, obviously you want to give it a kiss. Simple.

So when can we use it? Turns out that méng méng da’ is most often used as a means of self description. For example, my above mentioned friend often boldly says ‘I don’t look my age, I look 10 years younger because of my boy-ish face. I am so méng méng da !’  But you can also use it to describe other people’s behavior. As long as it falls into ‘cute’ category.

My Chinese teacher and our students often get the kick out of our heated ‘Mandarin competition’ and the tricks we will use to get ahead of each other. What is a serious matter to us, to them is just amusing ‘méng méng da laowais acting like kids themselves. I just hope that watching our ‘language battles’ the teachers’ pets won’t forget we are also there to teach something to them .And that their exam results depend also on their ESL preparation, not just following my order and depriving Matt of their Mandarin insight. No matter how méng méng da it seems to them. 

 

EPISODE 11

脸基尼 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EPISODE 20 

 蚁族

 yǐ zú

 

 

 

Since the whole world just celebrated Labor day with a blissful 3-day weekend, this episode will be dedicated to our dear, life keeping work.

Before we could start our long awaited holiday, my colleagues and I had to attend our least favorite part of the week: the staff meeting. And this time we were surprised by the presence of a humble looking female guest. Turned out the lady came to tell us about internship opportunities for our dear young  tǔ háo students, to help them understand what lives of  real working people look like. And her zealous speech revolved around her own son – a half Chinese/half American – who, thanks to the internship found by his thrifty mom ,at the age of 21 was hired to manage a restaurant abroad.  Well, that’s one lucky young man – because thanks to his far sighted mother he managed to avoid the grim fate faced by the post 80-s generation in China – the ants. Also called ‘antizens’ or ‘the ant tribe’ and in Chinese called 蚁族 – the first character  蚁 – yǐ – ant and 族 –  zú – clan.

So why is it an anti – Chinese dream to belong to the clan of ants?? Here’s the background.

As you can see on a daily basis, China has a lot of people. Probably even more than we see at People’s Square subway station during rush hour.  And a big percent of them are young generations of college graduates who, in search of better life, storm the big cities – particularly Beijing , Guangzhou, Xi’an, Chongqing, Taiyuan, Zhengzhou and Nanjing.  However the lifestyle they find there would put all the self –proclaimed hard knock life rappers to shame. The young Chinese migrants, despite their university diplomas and intelligence, end up getting unstable jobs that pay below 2,000 RMB per month. Therefore the only accommodation they can afford are shabby houses with tiny rooms, all inhabited by people who share the same sad fortune. The phenomenon was described in a book about China’s post 80s generation by Lian Si . He is the one behind the term ‘yǐ zú’ – ‘antizen’. The discerning Mr Si points out that just like ants, ‘they live in colonies in cramped spaces; they’re intelligent, hardworking, yet anonymous and underpaid’. And China’s very own ‘Blue book’ about the country’s talent counted that the number of antizens in big cities adds up to a whopping 1 million.

 

Back to the staff meeting. Our guest’s overwhelming attitude has driven me to meditate. I’m floating down a memory, when suddenly her long finger is pointed at me. “And what do YOU think about it?!?!”

 

In order to avoid longer discussion and an even more elongated speech, I just say ’Oh, it’s a brilliant idea’ and return to my reverie. But I think to myself ’Is it really these over- privileged  kids here that need Coca – Cola’s factory to open their fairyland red-and-white gates for the sake of bettering their future?”

Well, we don’t have the power nor the position to change the whole of China, and our staff meetings are not long enough for that either. Let’s hope  that Mr XiJingping and his circle hold equally thought provoking employee gatherings , where some charismatic figure will also point a finger at  the better future of the yǐ zú.

 

EPISODE 21

 给力

 gěi lì

 

 

 

 

‘Never expect anything from anyone, Gosia. See – this is your problem. You are so tough on yourself . Therefore you expect a lot from others so you end up feeling disappointed  or  worse when they fail’.That’s what my friend Ana – already back in the land of tequila – has been trying to make me realize. What can I say? I know she is right, but  it is really hard not to get your hopes really high sometimes.  Whether about a man who reassures you of his sincere feelings, a new internet network in your office touted as ‘fast and furious and the best in all Shanghai’, or a trip to dream land where everyone eats rainbows and digests them into butterflies. And when reality comes knocking, you may either be painfully smacked down, take it with peace and dignity or…create a phrase that the whole wide world – even French people – would adopt. Just like what happened to the Monkey King, in the Chinese adaptation of Japan’s comedic anime film, ‘Journey to the West’. As the voyage came to an end, the disillusioned Monkey King exclaimed ’This is India? It does not gěi lì, teacher!’

 

Whoever equipped him with these two humble characters :  给 – gěi – give and 力- lì- power, strength – definitely had not expected that this phrase  不给力- bù gěi lì would  be adopted into both the Chinglish and Frenchese lexicons.. This is how it unfolded:

 

1)    In the mouth of the Monkey King, 不给力- bù gěi lì initially meant that India, after their long journey, fell short of their expectations.

2)    Soon after that, a Shanghai-based magazine coined the Chinglish ‘ungelivable’ ,meaning – dull, boring,disappointing

3)    Then 给力 escaped 不 and became the Chinese double of ‘cool/ awesome’, and even gained the highest of buzz word glory when China daily featured it on the front page, albeit with a  slightly changed meaning (empower) – This was the first slang ever approved by the CPC for use in the paper..

4)    Delighted netizens got so empowered themselves that eventually gěi lì evolved into the word ‘gelivable’ and  morphed into the Frenchese phrase, ‘très guélile’ – ‘so geili and so cool’.

 

That’s in short a story of how one’s dashed hopes can be productively salvaged. But of course, unless you are an anime character, having expectations is risky business and disappointment is its frequent consequence. Frequent, but not constant!

When I was coming to Shanghai from wild, wild  Chengdu with a single suitcase, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants, on a 37-hour train I was bursting with high expectations about my destination. I will never forget how I felt when I got out of the taxi in downtown in Jingan on a beautiful mid-October day.  Had I been more seasoned  Chinese learner by then, instead of texting my Mandarin teacher   ‘I Survived!’,I would have proclaimed ‘This is Shanghai? It SO DOES  gěi lì, teacher!

 

 

 

EPISODE 22

 我伙呆

 Wǒ huǒ dāi

 

 

Now this is the story all about how one  中国人’s life got flipped turned upside down, and I’d like to take a minute just sit right there I’ll tell you how he coined a new buzz word finding  out rice dumplings come from …where?!

But first, a brief note on the Zongzi- 粽子 – one of Chinese staples. Glutinous rice stuffed with different fillings and wrapped in bamboo, reed, or other large flat leaves. Cooked by steaming or boiling. Named ‘rice dumplings’ or ‘sticky rice dumplings’ by its Western cultists. Soon they will lurk in every street corner as they are traditionally eaten during the incoming Dragon Boat Festival next month – Duānwǔjie. 

So what is the jaw dropping story behind Zongzi’s origin? As the local tale goes, once upon a time in ancient China there lived a famous poet Qu Yuan. In Chu kingdom born and raised, in Warring States period spent most of his days. No chillin’ out relaxin’ he could, but worked as an official for the King Huai, who Chu kingdom ruled. When  a couple of corrupt ministers who were up to no good, started making trouble in the ‘neighborhood’, poor Qu got framed and as a result of the plan, King Huai exiled him to the north of River Han.Yet, king deliberated  day after day and asked Qu to pack his suitcase and sent him back his way. King gave Qu a new position and to Qi state ticket, he thought ’reunite Chu and Qi ? I might as well kick it!’ Then the next king came and, yo, this was bad – Qu fell a victim to another politician’s attack. That prime minister wanted Qu to vanish so to Yangze River the poet got banished. As the days and months passed in the exile, Qu’s worries made him meager and sullen. And one day very bad news came near – Qi general defeated Chu’s capital for real. That was enough for troubled old man – to express his deep grief he got hold of his pen and vented in  his very last thing – a poem widely known as ‘Lament for Ying’’. Looking at his fallen kingdom he felt such a despair, that no longer wanted to exist anywhere. Holding a rock, in Miluo river he waded, protesting against the era by corruption devastated. And to keep Qu’s body unscathed, wary locals thought it had no price, they threw to the river leafy packets of rice  to drive scavenging fish away.

And when one day a Chinese student heard this story, it overwhelmed him so much that he choked out the phrase我 和我的 小 伙伴 们 惊呆 了’- wǒ hé wǒ de xiǎo huǒ bàn  jīng dāi le;  and the translation is ‘我 – wǒ’  – I , ‘和- hé – with’’ 我的 – my’ ‘ 小 伙伴 们- small companions’ ‘惊呆 了-jīngdāi le-stunned/stupefied’. To make it sound more grammatically correct , it goes ‘My little friends and I are shocked’. Chinese internet loved it from the word go , just as the time went by, the full sentence lost its length and shrinked into ‘我伙呆’ – ‘wǒ huǒ dāi ‘ to become the China – famed shocked response to hot or a new fact. However, when I confirmed with my Chinese colleague the other day, she explained to me that the updated version goes simply ‘惊呆 了- jīng dāi le’.

All right, maybe the story took more than a minute, but now I hope that the origin of zonzi 粽子 is  clear and you won’t forget how’ jīng dāi le’ came here. If anything I can say the story is rare and next time you eat rice dumplings you will feel more aware.