Larry’s diary: Adi Michaeli

Post reading activity-
Chris’s diary the day after the end of the play.

Dear diary, how could I not see it? How did I spend my whole life living from one lie to another? I can’t believe I was that easy to manipulate! Or, maybe I looked at it differently? Maybe I shouldn’t have made it so hard on him, but he’s still my father and I miss him, it is too hard for me to bear.

I don’t know how to express my feelings right now, after everything I had to go through because of him, my own father who kept telling me about family obligations and commitments; didn’t he always say that family is above all? Yes he said that! So how can he leave us like that and let us deal with all of that alone?

I am so frustrated.

On one hand, I miss him badly and it’s been only one day since he’s gone, I don’t know how I’m going to live my life with such a heavy rock in my heart, I have the feeling that it is all my fault, like I should have been there for him instead of judging him.
But on the other hand, I have a part in my heart that hates him and I don’t know how would I behaved and treated him if he was still here.

I’m having moments that make want to do what he and Larry did but I know I can’t, I’ve got too much on my back; Ann and Mother also. If I do that too, I will be just like them, and I resent them for their behavior, they left their families and women to deal with all of their problems by their own, and left like it’s so simple to do so.

I’m so confused, I don’t know how to act and what to do, but one thing I know; nothing will go back to the way it was, I wish I could take it all back to a few years ago when we were all one big happy family with no secrets or anger, and just love each other.