Unraveling the Mystery of the Mystery Guitar Man

I met Joe and Sarah several years ago at a gala banquet at the DLD confernece in Munich. They put me, a grown man, at the children’s table. Joe and Sarah looked like two normal teenagers in love (and way too young to drink the liquor, which made me one very happy, inebriated camper). At first, I felt insulted to have been seated next to these entrepreneurial neophytes. Until our conversation, which went something like this:

Mel: Hi, I’m Mel. 

Joe: Hi, I’m Joe, and this is Sara.

Mel: What do you Joe?

Joe: I make videos and put them up on youtube. 

Mel: No, I mean what do you do for a living. 

Joe: I make videos and put them up on youtube. 

Mel: And you get paid for doing that?

Joe: Yes 

Mel: And just how many people watch your videos? 

Joe: About two hundred million. 

He had to be lying. And of course, he was. It was more like ‘two hundred and forty million’. At the time. 

So when I went back home, I watched a few of his videos. Many times. 

And then it dawned on me. No human being could possibly pull off the feats that Joe does in his videos. I spent three years of meticulous research, and have unravelled his secret. Joe Penna is an…

A-L-I-E-N. 

The mystery of the mystery guitar man is no longer a mystery. He has super powers. He comes from outer space. 

I really should have known all along. 

When we were first introduced, both of his hands were in his pocket when he shook hands with me. Ordinary humans do not have that ability. I thought it a bit peculiar at the time but now it all makes sense.

Secondly, Joe never took off his sunglasses. Even though the room was very dark. 

But the real giveaway was ‘The Girl from Ipanema’. Joe says he is from Sau Paulo. We sang the song together in Portuguese. He knew all the words, but…

BUT HE SANG WITH A CARIOCA ACCENT. 

I should have known. He must have learned the language online. 

Finally, have a look in this video at the way that Joe and Sarah made their baby. Humans don’t make their babies that way at all. 

And the outer space pajamas? A real giveaway. 

So, in conclusion, my suggestion to all of Joe Penna’s wannabees and copycats is “Forget it. Joe has supernatural powers. No human can pull off his musical feats. No matter how hard you try, how many hours you practice. So, Marvin, stop wasting your time, leave the guitar and vuvuzela and finish your accounting degree. At least you’ll have a day job.”