The Olympics are starting and for every winner there will be lots of losers. More losers than winners. A lot more, actually.

What will they tell themselves? What will they tell their colleagues and countrymen?

I’m here to help.

Everybody doped except me.

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I didn’t have a good night’s sleep before the competition.

I was having a bad hair day.

I was having my monthly cycle (this excuse works much better if you’re a female).

There was too much headwind (or tailwind, you decide). The water was too choppy (or not choppy enough). The racquet was strung too tightly (or not tightly enough).

The shoes I was promoting hurt/didn’t fit/had too much traction/didn’t have enough traction.

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My competitor had bad breath/body odor/sneezed/coughed/spat on me. Great for Covid worries.

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I was the best that I could be. It wasn’t good enough to win. I will brood/retire/try even harder.