To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

I chose this book because I really like books whose genre is romance and drama. Mostly books with a complicated love story of teens in high school. The book I am reading is based on a Netflix movie series and this is the first part.
The idea of the story is very special and intresting to read so its fun to reread the book a few times and you will never get tired.

I hate when people interfere me to read a book, it was such a interesting moment when suddentlu Katty walked into my room…Katty is my little sister.

She wanted me to hand out with her but I wanted to finish one more chapter of my book so bad.

Suddently I heard dishes clattering of caurse it was dad, He deffenetly needs help. Margo my big sister came and asked to help her with the table so now I for sure won’t finish reading.

I went downstairs and heard a knock on the door, it was Josh.

I was so happy to see him, well I kinda missed him…Dad made dinner even though he did not know how to cook since Mom passed away … but we always tell him that the food is as delicious as hers.

The food was not cut so Margo went to get a bigger knife so we could cut Dad’s chicken in half.
Katie was upset that we would not see Margo until Christmas,
Dad said Scotland is too far to come back to Christmas but of course there is also something good in all this..Margo is not going to take her car every day so I can practice but Katty always has to ruin me. Well she can feel free to take a bus if she thinks that driving with me are dengereous.

Margo came back and while katty was making fun of my drivivg skills, Jush suddenly announced that he bought a plane ticket to Scotland, as I saw Margo’s face I couldn’t say that she was happy or exited…me either.

I guess I should tell you a little bit about Josh-

He and Margo have been together for past two years but before margo even cared thst he existed he was my boyfriend, well, space between the words…boy who was a friend.

I could talk to him about anything, we really anderstood one other.

We didn’t stop being friends when Josh and Margo get together, it was just diffrent.

They didn’t want me to feel left out so they invited me everywhere…even on dates.

They tried to make it as normal as possible,but…I still felt like a third wheel.

It’s not that I steal my sister’s boyfriend or anything. I was super happy for margo, she deserves a nice guy like Josh.

and so I wrote him a letter, I wasn’t going to send the letter, it’s just for me to understand how I was feeling.

my letters are the most secret possessions there are five total- Kenny from camp, Peter from seventh grade, Lucas from homecoming, John Ambrose from modal UN and Josh.

Iwrite a letter when I have a crush so intense that I don’t know what else to do.

No one knows about them and no one knew about them either.

Margo entered the room and looked sad I immediately asked her whats wrong and she surprised me when she said she and Josh broke up. well,she had a reason…before mom died she said she would never go to college with a boyfriend even thought she loves him.

Margo told me as soon as she leaves home to Scotland I become the responsible older and independent big sister and from today I am the one who decides.

Okay so it’s time for Margo to leave we arrived at the airport and said goodbye. from now on I really do not know what I’m going to do. She has already told me to meet new friends but I do not think it’s going to happen, with who I will eat lunch, with whom I sit for conversations, but she promised not Forget about us and talk to me every time she can on Skype thats made me calm.

We came home I went into my messy room and I immediately remembered Margo and the things she told me she told me to donate as many things as I could and that I should not or just throw them away and that’s exactly what I plan to do.

Going back to school is not the best thing… every year our dad makes us a picture with a board written on the class we go up to, Katty goes up to 9th grade and I go up to 11th grade.

Dad had to go to work so I had to bounce Katty to school she ran to the house and took a helmet, how funny… we went together to school and when I walked in and I saw everyone, I was kinda stressed but its fine I saw Josh near the lockers I did not tell him hi but our eyes met it seems like he does not care of me…Because I stared at it for too long I got stuck in lockers and I met the most annoying girl ever. we used to be best friends but post middle school for reasons having to do with her popularity and my lack thereof we are now desidedly not.

She decided to throw me a compliment on the shoes not so typical of her…Then Kris came my best friend and the only one I think she also complimented me on them and then went to her cousin’s jan and said that with shoes like hers she would not talk. After a few seconds of arguing Peter came, the same Peter from the letter and my secind crush of seventh grade he and Zen got into a couple thanks to the game with the bottle in my party…so friendly from her side.

It’s time for lunch everyone had someone to sit with, even those who did not sit with anyone had someone they could sit with, weird, I saw Peter and Zen together, I rolled my eyes like nothing happened and I’m not jealous at all, I texted Chris And I asked where she is, I thought she would come sit with me but she was too busy so I went to the library, took out the food and sat quietly until the moment I bit the carrot and also from there I had to walk, after that I did a round on the field and saw Josh I asked if I can sit, he said yes and he asked me if Margo really planned to do it after all we talk about everything he said, so I said I did not know, he still looked sad I put his headset in the ear and we listened to music together, at least it means something … we still can hang out with each other he even Said I can still talk to him about anything and always return to him if I need something.

well, after we talked and listen to music I still felt somthing to Josh but I knew I would never do that to Margo.

Katy and I went to the car and planned to drive home, which on the way she bothered me a bit about how much I do not know how to drive and she put on the helmet again, but this time we really needed it … I moved to reverse and suddenly out of nowhere Peter jumped behind the car which again reminded me I was driving badly .
He approached the window and I opened it. He said I almost ran over him … like I did not notice, it was a little awkward.

Tonight Katy and I did a movie night and she insulted me a little … I’m 16 years old and instead of doing important things tonight I’m sitting at home watching “Gold Girls” with my little sister, a little sucks.

Chris and I met this morning for a run, and then Peter came and said he needed to talk to me alone … What is the chance that such a thing would happen?
Chris kept going and Peter started talking, I was really interested in what was so important to him to talk to me about.
He started talking about 7th grade and what happened in the game we played and then he claimed he appreciated everything but it would not happen, and I thought to myself what will not happen?
Suddenly I saw my letter to him in his hand, I thought I was dreaming and I was shocked how he got to him, no one knows about these letters and it was not supposed to get to him! What am I doing now, how do I explain myself?

I was a little dizzy so I fell, I did not stop thinking about the letters and if anyone else received them …
Peter picked me up and then asked if I was okay while I saw Josh coming with a letter in hand, the first thought that came to my mind was how the hell am I getting out of this situation.

So I decided to do something that I thought I would greatly regret but I had to …
I did not know how I would explain to Josh what this letter means so I just kissed Peter, yes exactly … in the middle of the field with everyone’s eyes on us, and while Peter has a girlfriend.
Well done Lara Gin for inserting yourself deeper into the troubles.

I could not handle it so I just ran away … I went into the cell in the bathroom and closed the door, I felt a little relieved and then someone said “Lara Gin are you here?” And I’m stupid … I answered “no”, the same guy came in and put a letter under the cell that said “to Lucas”
He told me it looked personal so he decided to give it back to me …
I came out of the cell and I told him that I wrote it a few years ago and it was not supposed to reach him and he said that everything is fine and that he is gay so I thought to myself…one problem was solved.

I came home and ran into my room looking for the letters but they weren’t there. I asked dad where are they and who tuched them…he said maybe it went out with the GoodWill Boxes.

I went to my room and tought, the letters are out, they out…I can’t do anything about it.

Dad shouted from downstairs that Josh had arrived so I took my things I jumped out the window, took the bike and drove to the cafe.

Really unexpected but I met Peter there again … I thought I ran away from the first problem so no, the second came too.
Peter told me that he and Zen broke up and that he was thinking about what happened today, so I immediately understood where he was flowing …
So I clarified myself and said I was not trying to date him. And that the letter was written a long time ago, he thought I was in love with him and said my mouth said one thing but my lips said something else, so I had to tell him I wanted it to look like I was in love with him so someone else would not think I loved him.
Peter was persuaded to say who it was because if not the whole school knew about the letter, then I said …
So Peter realized he was not that special because there is someone else who got a letter so he was sure it was only two people but then I said I wrote 5 letters and he was really shocked.
But I can understand him …
We ended the conversation here so I had to go home and Peter offered me a ride.
When we arrived he asked me if I was going to tell Gush the truth so I probably told him yes.
So he kept asking … so what’s the truth? Do you like it or not? So I stopped the call and said that should not be his problem.
I thanked him for the ride and left.
Suddenly Peter appeared behind me and said “What if people can think we’re together?”
I was surprised and asked him, why would he want that?
He said … when Zen found out you kissed me she went crazy and if she knew we had something together she would want to be together again.
So he uses me as a pawn, but a plan I also used to show a block I’m not in love with so it makes sense.

This morning I woke up with one goal. To be Peter’s temporary partner.
I went to the field where he played and do not know what came to my mind but the first step for everyone to think we were together was to kiss him in front of his whole team.
And that’s exactly what happened. It was easier than I thought.
After that we had to make laws for this fake relationship.
We made some rules like for example: No kissing
Yes … I did not want all my first ones to be with him, I at least wanted some of the things to be real because I never had a boyfriend.

Monday to my fake relationship with Peter. He came to pick me up for school.
It was really cool because it felt like I really have a boyfriend …
Even Katy was excited that for the first time someone was picking us up and we were not riding the bus.
Katy and Peter seem to have found a nice way to talk and it also seems like Katy loves him that it’s already progressing.
The walk in the cafeteria was the most stressful but the most fun … for the first time in all the days I was invisible people were really looking at me, at us. It felt a bit like a dream but okay.
Christy pulled me straight to the side and was in shock, yes no r she was surprised by the letter Peter gave me, ignoring the fact that even to his previous girlfriend he did not do it.
But there is only one thing left, to tell Margo about it all.
I sat for an hour in front of the computer while planning how to tell her I had a fake boyfriend and if she would even understand it. But if I explain to her she will find out on the letters what it means she will find out on a block and then I will die.
So I talked to her a bit and she asked about a lump … I lied and told her I had not seen him since she flew. So I told her I was a little busy making cupcakes for Katy’s sale so I would get back to her later and hung up.
I was back to my normal life and suddenly someone came … was it Peter, Peter Kabinski in my house? Not a little weird?
He asked if I had read the note, of course, I forgot about it while thinking what I would tell Margo that I had not actually told her about it.
Peter invited me to some party at the house of one of his friends.
I’m definitely not coming, me and parties … there is nothing in common.
He owes me to come because 1.Sen will be there and 2.Parties is a good way to get to know.
Dad heard the conversation Lim and Peter had about the party and somehow he convinced him I would come …
We got to the party, and Peter took a picture of me. He puts it in a screenshot that people will really believe we are a couple because that’s probably what couples usually do … pictures
Or I just never had anyone so it would not be weird for me.
I will not lie I felt really weird at this party, but we’ll ignore it
I saw Zen and her friend, they called me to sit with them which was super weird. They wanted to know what was going on between me and Peter, how, when and all that … Zen behaved really disgustingly ..
It seems to me she did not want to hear about her ex so she just went.
Peter brought me drinks and we took some more pictures.
Then I saw Lux the two of us together, it seems that things are good between us, we are just good friends and he does not seem to care so much about the letter …

After the party Peter took me to eat, we talked a bit about our personal lives and I found out he’s still talking to Zen, who the hell is talking to his ex? It is strange.
I told him he was too obsessed with Zen and then he started arguing with me that he was not, so I asked him to prove to me and not to call her tonight or not to reply to her messages.
He said I have a lot to say so I told him it was because no one was ever honest with him.
So he said “Okay be honest with me, why did you never have a boyfriend?”
And straight away I answered him, I do not know, probably no one liked me.
He straight away erupted and said it was a lie and that I was once offered to be in a relationship and I just said no.
It’s not quite like that, I replied to Peter. Because I do like to read about love and relationships, write about it, think about it, but when it’s real I … “scary” he said.
he was right. I’m afraid to get into a relationship, it’s hard, and constantly have to depend on someone.
Because when someone comes into your life and you bond with him he can just leave you and it hurts.

Since this conversation faking relationship with Peter has become easier every time. I always ate with him in the cafeteria and even became friends with some of his friends.
Yes it’s fun to be part of a bunch of people who are my good friends but there are still moments I want to disappear.
After school Josh came to my house to talk to me, strange that I agreed after all the times I ignored him, his conversations and the messages he sent.
We talked and he said he did not believe I dating Peter. Well not really dating but he’s not supposed to know about it.
After all, I’m so cute and innocent and he’s just someone who does not deserve to be with me.
That’s what Josh said.
He asked if I really meant what I wrote in the letter, I did not know how to answer it because it was a really confusing time of mine, I did not even know how I feel.
I told him that we can not back to how we was then but we can be as we were when he started dating my sister but no more than that.

It was fun movie night with peter and katy I wish we could’ve kept our fmillies out of it altohether.

Peter invited me for denner with his family, it was a good one…I met his mom, brother, I don’t really know much about his dad exept that he has new family and he did not come around but it’s okay I still enjoed.

Chris and I decided to eat a sandwich under the steps of the lot which is weird but fun and quiet there.
When Zen and Peter suddenly sat down above us straight away we fell silent and it would sound like they were talking about their relationship so I told Chris we would go away because it was private and she did not release me so I had to listen to their conversation.
It seems Peter is hurt because Zen already has a new boyfriend and she’s nervous about Peter being with me all the time, she did not want him to take me on a ski vacation to them and he replied that it should not matter as long as she has a boyfriend … and she said maybe by then already will not be .
Ugh … she plays him like he’s one of her slaves. that’s sad.
So I decided to go talk to Gush about Peter. Probably a bad decision but I have no one to talk to about it.
Gush does not want to hear anything about Peter but I have to.
I said not that as long as I get used to Peter it will be more painful for me to see how he approaches Zen. And I’m mad at myself because that was supposed to happen.
Gush did not really know how to react but I understand him.
Peter called me so I went to him, he said how do I think people will react when they find out that his girlfriend is interested in someone else? So straight away I answered him … how will people react if they find out he is begging her to come back?
Funny because he thought I was spying on him which is not really true because I heard the call by mistake.
Peter started getting mad at me for not wanting to continue this fake relationship until our vacation. But how do I explain to him that I do not want because I started to develop feelings ?!
It was not supposed to happen, but I’ll go if Chris comes too.
I talked to her about it and she said Peter forced her to come on this stupid vacation just because he wanted me to come. I offered Kris and used her as an example because I knew she would not come, but now she’s forcing me to go too.

Okay, it’s time to unpack because we arrived at a super large and beautiful hotel I did not expect it.
Zen called Peter from upstairs that she waiting for him at the snow slide, and of course Chris drove me crazy that I would go too but I did not plan to go out at all, I took out some books and then Lucas also joined … he hates cold so we stayed in the room to make face masks.
It was fun, I told him about me and Peter … but I convinced him to keep quiet.

Luke told me I have nothing to be confused about because he is the one who suggested this relationship so I should go and talk to him.
I listened to him so I took a coat and went downstairs.
I saw Peter in the hot tub so I went to him, and asked if he was ignoring me. Then he replied that I was the one making it harder.
I told him I was not good at skiing he could teach me and then he asked me, what am I supposed to be nice to you after I did not sit with him on the bus? bullshit…
So I told him that if already … he should thank me for sitting with whoever he really wanted.
Then he said I was just talking nonsense and if he wanted to sit down with someone, it was me. He even brought food and asked Katie where to get the yogurts I like.
Although the Korean store is on the other side of town but he went there to get something I like.
I felt stupid so I apologized to him … for not sitting with him on the bus.
It was a minute of quiet and just staring at each other it was a bit awkward so I decided to go into the hot tub. Yes, even though I did not have a swimsuit. I came in with a nightgown.
Then a situation came up that I was right in front of Peter and he just kissed me. I did not know if it was okay or not so I just flowed.
After that we went to the rooms and I did not stop to think about what happened just a few minutes ago.

When I got on the bus in the morning everyone started clapping and I did not understand why.
Then I hurried to ask Peter if he told anyone about what happened yesterday, and he said no … just like that people react to couples on ski vacations.
When we got off Zen came to me and asked if I was having fun, so I told her yes even though I did not want to talk to her so much, so she kept saying it was fun to know I was aware of her and Peter’s girlfriends, so I asked her what she meant and then she said most girls were surprised to find their boyfriend asleep In someone else’s room. But I’m so much of a coach.
So I was a little confused by what she said because I did not understand what exactly she meant so she straight through a topic and took Homia off her hair. I was shocked to find out that this was my rubber band I brought to Peter at the party.
So I asked her where she got the rubber band from and she said Peter brought it to her … I did not know how to respond and she just smiled at me and left.
I saw Peter get off the bus, straight away I asked him if he went to Zen last night and he answered yes but … then I asked if he brought her my favorite rubber band? What do I look like a joke to him?
He said I did not understand correctly what had happened and that a parent could explain so I told him I did not need explanations that I wanted what was happening between us to end. He suggested I go home with him and then we would talk about it and he would explain himself. So I said that Anit would rather drive alone than sit in his car.

I got home and it was all decorated for Christmas Katy ran up to me for a huge hug and then I heard Margo’s voice behind me, I could not believe she managed to get there. I turned around and saw her, we hugged and then we went to make cookies.
We started talking about how much Margo has changed and how everything is different there in Scotland.
Katy offered to invite Gush to a holiday dinner but what she did not know was that Margo and he had not spoken for a long time.
Then Katy threw a sentence on Peter which I was most afraid would happen, I did not tell Margo about it and it was good that it was.
I heard a doorbell ring so I went to open and then I saw Peter, he wanted to talk so I closed the door and we went to the side.
He said there was nothing between him and Zen, so I asked if it really mattered that he went to her room at all?
He said they were together full time and have a story and that it’s hard to release emotions.
But I’m tired of having a second option or not at all.
I said for me busties it really matters maybe for him it does not and then he added that he did not say it did not matter to him, so I rudely added that every boy on the bus who applauded him for what was, can testify to it, he seemed happy.
I asked him to go I did not have the strength to continue this conversation.
He tried to persuade me to enter the house and then a block appeared with an order from Peter to leave.
Peter thought that because of Gush I was behaving like that and then Margo opened the door and asked me “Do you like Gush?” After that I felt bad with myself about it, I had to tell her and if she knew not in that way.
Margo went home and I felt like I was going to cry, I told Peter to go home! He turned around and said … “You’ve never been in second place” which made me fall apart.

And if I thought it was all behind me, then no … I got a message with a video of me and Peter kissing in the hot tub.
I ran to Margo to ask for help, she was still mad at me but when she saw it, she said if no one tagged me it could be anyone …
Peter has more problems, but no. Boys never have problems and everyone knows it’s me.
That’s pretty obvious.
Margo asked why I did not tell her from the beginning about what was happening, the truth I thought she would hate me after that …
But after she heard Peter’s words she thought I wanted to go out with a lump, but I would never do such a thing to her.
We hugged and then I noticed that Katy as always listens to our conversation so Margo told her to come, and said there would be no more secrets between us, Katy was silent and suddenly said she had a secret … I thought it was just something more Totti until she did not say she was the one who sent the letters !! !! I’ll kill her !!!!
Margo tried to reassure me and said that if she forgave me for writing a letter to her boyfriend then I could forgive Katy for sending them.

I thought to myself if I have a mess in life, that at least I will not have a mess in the room so I decided to clean it up a bit.
Then Dad came in and offered to go to a cafe next to the house, he said he did not know what happened between me and Peter and then I stopped him and said I was not interested in talking to him and then he continued … he said I was really open next to him and more than happy so he wanted me to go talk With Peter.
The transfer is a theme and I just tried to ignore it.

The next day I went to school with Chris and Lux, now officially I have become invisible again …
Then I saw a bunch of people standing by my locker … I got close to see what was going on and then I saw a picture of me and Peter from that night. With the caption “It’s always the goddess you never expect”
What is this supposed to bring?
I walked away because it became awkward, and then I saw Peter in front of me … he asked what had happened
So I asked, why has he not done something with it yet? Yes, sure, people can think there was something between us … Narali is glad it came to the net.
Suddenly he announced, “Everyone listen now, this is not what you think, and not that it’s just not related to you it also never happened! If I see someone talking about Lara Gin or this video, watch out for me”
I told him we both know who did it, so he said he would talk to her and I stopped him, I said it was my turn to fix it.
I came to the bathroom and saw Zen, I told her I know she posted the video and she straight away said it was not her but she was glad it happened. Because Peter is not really as confident as he looks and she’s not as cool as she looks, and even more clear now that I’m not as innocent as I look, she said I kissed her boyfriend why she would not do it even if it was her, I added that It happened that they were not together, and then she said it happened again in middle school and then I got upset because it was just a game she just took it hard.
Then she said that for her it was not just because she really loved him.

Later I sat in a block at home and told him about the letters, I said I wrote him the letter because he was the first one I liked and the first one I really knew, all the rest were just 0 from the imagination.
And I told him I did not know how I felt about him until he and Margo started dating.
And after a while the feelings disappeared and I missed my best friend.
It was not love.

So we talked a bit about the letters and I felt about how much I would like to get them back so Katie brought me letters that were written to me. Was fun to read them.

Gush said I must learn to tell people what I feel because Peter would not have been in my life if the letters had not been sent.
So I decided to go to him and say everything inside.
I did not know how to tell him what I was feeling so I decided to do it my way, in a letter. I just asked him to turn around.
I told him I wish he knew I loved him. Really and I think that’s why I came to him.
Then he revealed to me that he also loves me.
So I paused for a moment and thought what rules does a true relationship include? And Peter said nothing.
Since we are together we just trust each other.