Identity Stories

As a girl who grew up with a big family 5 brothters and 3 sisters , I remember that every morning i go outside to playing football with my brothers and with my cousin. one day my parentes told me that I shouldn’t play with the boys, espacially football.
so i felt very sad and i was angry about my parents, also i cried and get out from my home and went to my uncle. after3/4 hours i back home and i started talking to my parents and i asked them about why i should nit play with the boys or playing football. they said
“because you are a girl”. but, the next day i wake up and I continued to play football with the boys. At that moment, I realized that I’m a girl and i should not play football with the boys. after years i I started to be my independent personality again, as I learned more about what it means to be a girl, and how to be an independent strong girl, and which games i have to choose. but in the end for me the football is my favorite game.

I grew up in an environment and a very tender and beautiful family, my family that provided me with all my needs and raised me the best education ever since it was reflected in my school and my town that knows me well that I am a good and polite girl because anyone who used to recognize my personality takes this idea, and this is something that pleases me and helps me very much in my personal and social life is such that no one transgresses his limits with me, whether in words or actions. I have the respect of everyone, But from a social standpoint, I do not have many friends, meaning that I have one friend who I feel is similar to me in my personality, way of thinking and my life.

My experience of feeling like an outsider is still vivid even though it happened about 10 years ago.  Growing up in Montreal, Canada, I learned French as a second language. French was the language spoken in stores, restaurants and really anywhere in the city and province outside of my Jewish Ashkenazi bubble.  When I decided to go to law school, I chose a French university in the city, and commenced a 4 year law school program, entirely in French.  While I had no trouble understanding my professors and handing in my assignments, my interaction with my classmates was a perplexing experience.  I vividly remember one of the first days of class, sitting down next to a classmate and attempting to strike up a conversation.  Upon hearing my heavy Anglophone accent, my French-Canadian classmate said “Vous-etes d’ou?” Meaning where are you from? I replied (in French) that I was from Montreal, but that didn’t quench her interest- no, really, where are you from she insisted? I withheld any mention of my religion, or birth place of my grandparents, because indeed, I was from Montreal, just as she was.  The following 4 years were an academic and professional success but socially, I was on the outside, they were on the inside. I couldn’t chit chat during breaks fast enough in their language to be considered one of them, didn’t get their jokes in “jouale” (French-Canadian slang) and overall, felt like a fish out of water.  When I read “Los Interscisios” this experience resurfaced in my mind, as if it occured yesterday.

I grew up in a warm environment with 8 siblings, and being the youngest among them was a difficult issue of finding my personal identity at the beginning because I was still young and influenced by the behavior of my older brothers, especially in love for football or in problems in elementary school with students, where I acquired some childish characteristics as my siblings. Most of them are male. With age, I started to be my independent personality again, as I learned more about what it means to be a girl and so on, and despite this I still have some tendencies that I acquired from my brothers such as strength of character.

As a girl who grew up with two big brothers, I remember us playing with my brother’s toys- WWE dolls and so until one of my friends told me I shouldn’t play with boys’ toys. I asked my friend: “why?” “because you are a girl”, she said, but I continued to play. At that moment, I realized that I’m a girl and there are some expectations from me, but again, it didn’t affect me, and I continued to play with every toy I liked.