If I were a cook, I would make a giant soup out of candies, cookies and gum drops. I would never cook anything that has a Mother. 

If I were a carpenter, I would build bunk beds for children and their pets, so they could sleep together.

If I were a shoe shiner, I would shine everyone’s shoes in happy colors:

green, blue, yellow, red.

Anything but black.

If I were a teacher, I would be so nice that children would want to come to school.

Even when they are sick.

If I were a farmer, I would grow a special tree with every kind of fruit. Children could come and pick them anytime. 

If I were a king or a queen, my castle would always be open, so that everyone could come and swim in my pool for free. And afterwards, free ice cream with toppings for everyone. Kids especially. 

If I were a Mom or Dad, I would be just like my own Mom and Dad, except I would let my kids go to bed at ten o’clock. Or eleven. And have pancakes for breakfast. Every day. 

If I had a candy store, children could take candy or chocolate and pay whatever they want. Even nothing, if they are poor.

If I were a wicked witch, I would still do a good deed every day. 

If I were a fireman, I would invite all the children for a giant bonfire with roasted marshmallows and potatoes. The fire truck would be right nearby, ready to put out the fire.

If I were a policeman I would catch all the bad people in the world. I would let children wear my uniform, blow my whistle, play with my handcuffs and direct the traffic.

If I had my own cow, I would feed it lots of chocolate so that it would make me chocolate milk.

If I were a Superhero, I would come visit children every day.

Me, for example.

If I were an optometrist, I would make invisible glasses, so that children wouldn’t make fun of you at school and  call you names.

If I were a ghost, I would never creep up on somebody and say “Boo!” 

I would whisper softly, so they wouldn’t get too frightened.

If I had a pet store, children could buy cute, cuddly pet baby dragons. The kind that don’t breathe fire, don’t scratch or bite and never grow up.

If I sold balloons they would all know how to come back after they fly away. And they would be the kind that never burst. Ever.

If I had a flower store, all my flowers would smell like caramel or vanilla or potato chips or chocolate. Except for the roses, which would go on smelling like themselves. 

If I ever become a writer and write a book, the hero will be just like me, and the bad guy will be named after the meanest kid in my class. And of course he will get punished in the end. 

If I made socks, there would be three of each, so that you could always lose one. And they would all have holes. Even the new ones. 

If I had a clothing store, I would give children clothes that fit them. They would never have to try anything on.